Chapter 1

So far only the first chapter is written, but it's a short story in itself. Click on the links to the right to flip through the pages.

Page 9

"M- m- ... m- ... Mama?" Pablo asked weakly, as he looked to where his mother had collapsed, her hand clutching the center of her chest. Lucky stood over her face, licking her eye in an attempt to wake her up. It was at that point that Pablo passed out.

Howie... slowly... slowly turned to the cameras.

"We'll... be right back, folks," he eventually said into the camera, hoping to himself that the cameras were all filming him at appropriate angles to avoid the sight of his massive erection.

-END CHAPTER ONE-

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Page 8

Pablo crawled over to his wife. "Hey... hey Mellanie... it's ok, right? Easy come easy go, right? I mean... it... it wasn't our money anyway... right?"

She shook her head. "Je-BLEEP!!!- Chr-BLEEP!!! Pablo. How f-BLEEP!!!-ng stupid can you be!? This is Deal or f-BLEEP!!!-ng no Deal! Nobody leaves the show a loser! Nobody except a stupid f-BLEEP!!!-ng loser like you!"

"Ok ok... I made a mistake I'm sorry. It was Joey's idea, anyway!" he said pointing toward where Joey had been. But Joey was long gone.

"You f-BLEEP!!!-ed up man! Don't blame me!" Joey called from somewhere far away from the stage, as he continued to make his exit.

Melanie shook her head, slipped off her wedding ring, and tossed it at Pablo's feet. "No it's too late. See you in h-BLEEP!!!- a-BLEEP!!!-ole."

And she walked off stage, and out of Pablo's life.

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Page 7

... One cent.

One cent instead of a million dollars... one cent instead of the deal for four hundred seventy thousand.

The stadium was completely silent. For all of ten seconds.

"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Pablo screamed, tears rolling down his cheeks. "OH GOD WHY!!! Why.... Why?" He bellowed, sobbing in long uncontrolled moans, as he slumped onto the floor and began striking it with his fists.

Howie's mouth hung open. Unable to speak. His eyes wide with shock.

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Page 6

right after these messages... = (more echoes in Pablo's brain)

"WHAT!!!? NO!!!" Shrieked Pablo. Staring with terror over to his family, then grabbing ahold of Howie's suit by the lapels, and shaking him back and forth desperately. "OPEN IT NOW!!! OPEN IT NOOOOWWW!!!"

"That's right Pablo! You tell that bi-BLEEP!!!- You bi-BLEEP!!!-ap his a-BLEEP!!! Bi-BLEEP!!!-ap him good!" = (That's more Joey)

"Ok, ok... I'll open it now..." Howie said, obviously terrified for his life.

And he reached...

for the case...

and he flipped it open...

and within the case....

this was inscribed:


...



...



...


$ 0.01

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Page 5

And the crowd went wild. Screaming at the top of their lungs. Joey leapt up and down screaming happily. While the wife and the mother screamed terrified and bleeped out expletives and clung to each other, and then... the stadium fell silent.

It was time. Howie walked up to the box. "Two boxes left. One with a million dollars in it, and the other with a penny. This box belongs to you... the man they call Lucky Pablo... and I... I, Lucky Pablo, am about to open it. And see just how lucky... you really are."

He walked slowly up to the box...

and then...

he added:

"Right after these messages!"

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Page 4

... all your decision Pablo... = (echo in Pablo's brain.)

The wife: "Take it honey! Take the money!"

The brother: "Yeah take the money Pablo! Take the money! And maybe afterwards, you can go home and take it up the a-BLEEP!!!-

The host: "Language!!!"

The mom: "Be quiet Joey! Must you ruin everything!?"

The brother again: "Seriously pende-BLEEP!!!- Are you gonna let these women tell you your business!!! Who's wearing the pants here! You or them!?"

The host again: "Language Joey!!! I swear to god, I will have security drag you out of here so fast!!!"

"Sorry, sorry." Joey said looking down.

"Pende-BLEEP!!!-'s a curse, right?" Howie asked, looking to Pablo. Pablo nodded.

"Aw durnit, now I said it," Howie muttered with a chuckle. "Well anyway, your brother is an excitable fellow, Pablo... I don't envy you that... but he IS right about ONE thing. This decision is all on you so what's it gonna be Pablo... deal?... or-"

"NNNOOOO DEAAAAAALLL!!!" Shrieked Pablo, a long bead of saliva hanging between his lips, and large vains clearly visible on his neck and bald head. And he slammed the little glass box thing shut over the deal button.

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Page 3

"No man! Don't do it! A million dollars, man! Don't be a pu-BLEEP!!!-, man! Be a man for once! NO DEAL!!! NO DEAL!!!"

"Seems like your brother Joey disagrees!" Howie chortles. Then gives a disgruntled look to Joey. "But don't use that kind of language. This is a family show."

"Oh sorry man, but it's true he alway pu-BLEEP!!!-ng out. It's real annoying."

"I'm sure that's the case Joey..." Howie said through gritted teeth. "But you can't use language like that on my show."

"Ok, I'm sorry Howie, I didn't mean it, ok?"

"It's ok Joey... now let go of my arm and go stand in the family pen... I mean area. The family area. Ok good. It's all your decision Pablo..."

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Page 2

"Looks like your family thinks you should take the deal!"

Looks over to the wife and the mom: hopping up and down, grinning mad. And Lucky the albino corgi, panting happily by Mom's feet. Pablo smiles a little.

The wife: "Yeah take it honey! Take the deal!"

The mom: "You have to, mi hijo! This is it! This is our chance!"

Pablo's nodding his head. Yeah. Gotta do it. Gotta take it. Don't think about it, just take it stupid.

"470,000 dollars is nothing to sneeze about, my friend." Howie says, patting him on the shoulder.

Sneeze about? Did he say sneeze about? Nevermind. Ok taking the deal. Gotta take it.

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Page 1

Pablo Paloma stands in front of the bald and dashing figure of Howie Mandel, his head sparkling majestically in the spot light. Pablo's eyes are wide open. He is sweating bullets. His heart is about to explode.


CHAPTER 1:
NO DEAL.


"How's it going Pablo!?" Grins Howie. "Feeliiinn' LUCKAY!?"

"I... I dunno... I - I can't do this! Am I dreaming!? This can't be real! I mean this is insane!"

"Oh I assure you it's quite real, my friend. You are standing on the brink of one million dollars... OR... if you're not as lucky... one... cent.

"I- I think I'm gonna throw up..."

"No, don't throw up, you can't do that on television. This isn't one of those shows."

"S-sorry..."

The crowd is roaring. He can barely hear himself think. And that damned dramatic music.

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